By Han Song-mi

When I was in North Korea my mom and I were often separated. My parents had gotten divorced and my mom was doing her best to make money. I had gotten used to mom disappearing for months at a time, but this time she was with my stepfather. I felt secure with him in our family. It was probably 2002 or 2003, and I was at Aunt Yeonhui's home waiting for mom to return. Mom was visiting by herself, so there were no magic tricks or teasing from Dad. Mom would come and go, trying to make money in different ways.

One day, Aunt Seonhui came to visit. She whispered to me, "Your mom is at my house. She wants to see you." I wasn't sure why it was a secret, but I sensed that I shouldn't announce that my mom was there. I was so excited, I was ready to run to see Mom. I told Aunt Yeonhui that I needed to visit Aunt Seonhui's house.

"Don't forget that it will be harvest time soon," Aunt Yeonhui said. She always reminded me about work.

Aunt Seonhui and I made the one-hour walk to her home. It was September 25, 2005, two days before my 12th birthday. I cried as I hugged my mom for the first time in months. "Mom, you took so long to come back." I was both joyful and complaining.

"My baby, I wanted to give you this money because it will be your birthday in two days. You can buy a book or something delicious to eat." It was the perfect moment. My mom had returned to me just before my birthday. Then she ruined everything. "I need to leave tomorrow."

"Oh, but my birthday is in two days, please stay with me."

"I'm so sorry, I must leave. Your dad is waiting for me to return." I was thinking that they must be planning something big. But what could it be? My mom gave me a knife next. "You can use it to make food. You need to be able to take care of yourself" In particular, she was referring to dubu bab, or North Korean rice tofu, which required a knife to prepare. Next, she gave me a multiplication table. She was worried because I had only attended elementary school for a year and hadn't been in school for a while. "Please study this. When I come back on October 10th, I will check to see if you have learned how to multiply." She was the one person who was focused on my education.